Another self-help misnomer is the notion that you are totally responsible for EVERYTHING that has ever taken place in your entire life, including before you were born.
Equally false is the idea that the MOST SUCCEESSFUL people on earth take 100 percent responsibility for everything that goes on in their life. They sure don’t. We only need to witness the theatrics of politicians and multi-millionaire athletes to come to a very different conclusion than what the self-help gurus proclaim.
In the realm of sports, not only do athletes not take responsibility for cheating, using performance enhancing drugs, and so on, but the media often has their backs. It all depends on WHO it is.
The “you must take 100 percent responsibility” is guilt-tripping at its worst – and horribly misleading.
For example, suppose you were born addicted to drugs because your mom was smoking crack.
Or suppose you’re one of these young boys who gets molested by a cardinal or bishop in the Catholic church.
Or suppose you are attacked on a subway when all you were doing was sitting quietly, minding your own business. .
The list goes on and on.
Yes, you were there during all of these events, but that doesn’t mean you’re responsible (guilty) for them happening – or that you “attracted” them.
If you’re responsible for everything that happens in your life, then why do we have laws?
If you’re truly personally responsible for everything, then why not make everyone who is ever victimized guilty?
You can’t do that, can you? So why take on such a burden emotionally or psychologically? It makes no sense at all.
If you’ll recall one of Dr. Maltz’ signature stories, the one about the young girl named Helen, who didn’t notice a difference after he dramatically improved her appearance. After delving into her past, he discovered that she was engaged to be married and her boyfriend ran off with someone else.
What did Dr. Maltz say to Helen? Well, I can tell you what he didn’t say. It wasn’t: “Look Helen, you need to take responsibility for this. You need to look in the mirror and realize that you’re at fault.”
Not at all. Instead he told Helen, “You didn’t run off with someone else, HE DID. Why blame yourself?”
Maltz’ compassionate words allowed Helen to put the past away and move on with her life, without taking responsibility for anything other than her feelings and mental pictures about what happened.
Years ago I wrote the following:
“We aren’t responsible for everything that happens to us in life, but we ARE responsible for how we think and respond to everything that happens.”
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
P.S. Did you know I have a Theatre of the Mind Facebook group?
P.P.S. Also, you can follow me on Instagram – @mattfureysays
