Last night I eavesdropped on the College World Series.
The baseball game was between Vanderbilt and North Carolina State. Per usual, the outcome ended up being a heartbreaking loss for one pitcher, and a glorious victory for another.
Vanderbilt pitcher, Jack Leiter, whose father, Al, pitched in the major leagues, carved up the other team… yet lost, 1-0.
One pitch, and a good pitch it was, got knocked out of the park by Terrell Tatum of North Carolina State.
Other than the homerun, Leiter was phenomenal.
One swing of the bat did him in.
His Vanderbilt team, the “defending” national champions, are now playing in the consolation brackets.
What to do if you are the pitcher who lost? Focus on the one pitch that sailed over the fence? Blame yourself for the team’s loss?
Or do you look for and find something positive to focus on?
It’s tough to focus on what you did correctly after a loss. It’s tough to look for the positives, the “what’s good about it?” But it is necessary if you want to recover and move on to bigger and much better opportunities.
Even though focusing on the positive is necessary, the same can be said about looking at what went wrong.
We make mistakes so we can learn from them. We make mistakes so we can grow and get better. And sometimes we don’t even make a mistake, and we end up with a result we didn’t want, desire or expect.
That’s life.
Losing in sports, especially in front of thousands of fans and/or a nationally televised audience, can traumatize the brain at a deep level. Some losses are easy to put behind you while others do long-term damage. The losses you naturally adjust to are no big deal; the ones you hold onto are the ones that become “blocks.”
Athletes who lose in big games sometimes feel that “everyone” is looking at them with contempt and disdain. In some cases, fans are ruthless and give that impression (Bill Buckner and the Red Sox fans are a prime example), but most of the time most people are focused on their own problems as soon as the game ends.
This was first told to me at a low point in my athletic career. A professor who was in the audience when I lost a hard-fought bout, took note of my sullen demeanor the next day. He called me to the side and said, “I know losing sucks. It hurts. But one of the things you need to realize is this: No one cares.”
Ouch! I’m not sure which stung more at that time. Losing, or being told that no one cares if I lose.
Here’s the most important takeaway: Your reaction to losing and your interpretations of comments from well-meaning and/or diabolical fans, can be a traumatic experience for the brain. Even so, there’s an incredibly effective way to tame and transform this trauma and use the energy from it to create the life you want.
Anyone can learn how to do this. It’s not just for athletes. And the process leads to feelings of euphoria.
Part of taming the trauma involves the self-image exercises in Theatre of the Mind and Zero Resistance Living.
The other part involves private or group coaching.
If you sense that you have “blocks” to moving ahead, then get started today. Turn the tide in your favor. Tame your trauma. Say goodbye to the agony of defeat.
Best,
Matt Furey
The Worst Question in Self-Development
The first time someone asked me the worst question in self-development was back in 1990.
My first thought was, “What a creepy thing to ask? What do you want to know that for?”
Over the years, I’ve heard more and more people asking this question and my opinion of it hasn’t changed.
What’s the question?
It is this: “And how did/does that make you feel?”
Various forms and guises of this question are now prevalent in everywhere, including in professional sports, during their post-game interviews.
Reporter: “How did you feel when you hit the homerun? How did you feel when you scored your first touchdown? How did you feel when you sunk the game winning shot?”
Everything is about feelings with almost no insights into the “inner game” or strategy of the athlete.
Good questions are almost completely absent from interviews today, much less useful coaching.
Instead of discovering what someone was thinking, which may include his or her feelings, reporters, teachers and coaches isolate the one thing they think matters most. And the truth is the one thing they think matters the most usually matters the least.
Feelings are a factor in properly positioning your mind for success, but when it comes to overcoming adversity, to rising above deep difficulties, to accomplishing a goal, the caveman mentality often works best.
Look at the images the caveman drew upon the wall for his fellow cavemen to see. Listen to him speak about what he drew.
See those buffalo? Those deer? Tomorrow we go hunt and bring home. You want? Raaaaaaaahhhhh.
The goal is established. Sights are now set. The only thing left is action.
At no time does the caveman ask, “And how does tomorrow’s hunt make you feel?”
When you visualize, you mentally picture your goal. You also imagine and pretend you can hear the sounds and feel the feelings of getting what you want. All three of these senses are important; so are the others that I didn’t mention. But feelings are not driving the bus. Images playing within the mind of the bus driver dictate where the rig goes.
Your self-image is most important. It is the blueprint for where you’re going in life. Your feelings are a factor, but they are far from being the most important one.
Never answer the question, “And how does that make you feel?”
Focus on your mental images and you’ll get along much better.
Matt Furey
Zig-Zag Your Way to Success
Tue, Jun 8 at 10:51 AM Success comes in a straight line, but only after you’ve zigged and zagged your way to the finish.
When lightning strikes, it appears to be a zig and a zag, but when you draw a line from top to bottom, you’ll be amazed when you see the straight line.
Moving from Point A to Point B is a whole lot easier when you realize that switchbacks and winding roads are part of the straight line to the top.
As you journey through life, you are heading toward a goal even when you think you are off target. The mistakes and setbacks you encounter along the way are essential corrective feedback that you need in order to win the prize. No one achieves anything without mistakes. Errors along the way are just as important as the shots you make. Without mistakes, there’s no way to truly succeed.
There’s a reason that errors, mistakes and setbacks come before the word “success” in the dictionary.
Being able to stand back and observe your mistakes without getting upset about them is the hallmark of a winner. Another prized quality is the ability to observe what you did correctly when you succeeded, and figure out how to duplicate it.
If you can remember the feeling you had the first time you sunk a free-throw or caught a ball that was thrown to you, you’re setting yourself up for more of the same. But if you sit and brood over the mistakes you’ve made, the missed free-throws and dropped passes, you are not thinking about coming up with a way to succeed.
When you see your mistakes, instead of dwelling on them exclusively, ask yourself what you want to accomplish. Picture a result you want to make happen. See yourself where you want to be, then engage in the actions that will take you where you want to go.
Notice that I did NOT advise you to completely avoid looking at your mistakes. Take a good look at them. Study them. Then use the corrective feedback of the mistakes you made as a launchpad to where you really want to go.
Remember, you can travel the road to success in a straight line, but there will be zigs and zags in that line.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
P.S. If you want coaching in the process I’ve just described, click here.
One Breath at a Time
Frustration naturally arises when you’re trying to picture yourself in the future, but you feel stuck in the now.
This often leads to not wanting to do anything to achieve your goal, because the objective is too far off – or you encounter feelings that you can’t do it, so there’s no use trying.
“Let’s slow this train down, shall we?” I once told a client who was driving himself nuts. “You’re already talking about what you’re going to do when you’re 60 and you’re not even 40 years of age. Let’s start taking care of today. Better yet, let’s take care of your next breath.”
“What will focusing on my breath do for me?” he asked.
“For starters, it’ll help you eliminate fear, worry, frustration, self-doubt and feelings of failure,” I replied. “Beyond that, it will help you begin creating results that you can take pride in… today. But if you’d rather feel uptight most of the time, stick with what you’re doing. It works.”
He took what I told him seriously and began to focus and visualize the way I taught him.
After a year, he texted me to proclaim, “I can’t believe it. I was just doing my taxes and I doubled my income. I was in shock, so I double-checked the numbers, and sure enough, I was correct the first time. I’m stunned.”
“And how many years did you get the same-old results using the other methods?” I asked.
“Too many to think of at this time,” he answered.
“That’s a reply I enjoy hearing. One breath at a time, eh?”
“Yes. One breath at a time.”
Matt Furey
P.S. Want to get Psycho-Cybernetics coaching and take your game to the next level? Then click the link in the preceding sentence. This is the opportunity of your lifetime. Seize the day.
About that Big, Scary Goal You’ve Set
This morning a guy in the sauna started rapping with me about the power of big goals; especially the ones that scare you and force you out of your comfort zone as you supposedly take “massive action.”
I was laughing inside as he spoke because I’m aware that he hasn’t achieved a single one of his big goals, and I’ve been watching and waiting for well over ten years.
The guy insists on big goals, the big dream, the grand hurrah. But it never comes.
Meanwhile, he would be far better off focusing on what he can control in the here and now. What goal can he accomplish TODAY?
It’s wonderful thinking you can control what is going to happen in your life ten or twenty years from now. But the truth is that most people will NOT be the same as they are today, a year from now, much less five or more years down the road. This means, chances are excellent that the one who is writing the 20-year blueprint for his or her life today won’t even exist when that day comes around.
“Where you going to be in five years?” I was asked.
“Five years?” I replied. “You want to know where I’m going to be in five years? How about you ask me what I’m going to get done today, or this week, or this month, or at the furthest, by the end of this year?”
There’s a reason that Dr. Maltz recommended daily goals in Zero Resistance Living – and that is the advanced course on Psycho-Cybernetics.
In short, if you’re not able to focus on and achieve a daily goal, you’re not ready for a bigger, scarier goal with a longer time frame.
Prove to yourself that you can focus on something today – and make it happen. Achieve one new goal everyday for a year, and I bet you will have run a hundred laps around those with the big, scary goals who can’t get themselves off the sofa; or those who go into each day frightened and worried that they might fail.
On a daily basis, give yourself the experience that you are WINNING.
When winning becomes a daily habit, it becomes a long-term reality.
Same can be said about losing.
In order to establish momentum in a positive direction, you need daily feedback that shows you that you’re making something good happen in your life. This isn’t happening with the long-term goals.
Focus on the achievements in the NOW and you’ll make people look up and say WOW.
See it. Feel it. Live it.
Matt Furey
Clearing Negative Emotions Fast
As you’re probably aware, almost two months ago, my father passed away at the age of 97. Even though I realized his departure from this earth was imminent, when the finality of the news hit, it definitely shook me up.
Thankfully, I had a number of healing routines I could follow. I could pray. I could meditate. And I could practice Theatre of the Mind.
But there was something else I did every single evening, and it cleared away the negative emotions, without any effort whatsoever. What I practiced every night is a type of moving meditation called Dao Zou, I learned more than 15 years ago.
When I first learned this system, I had no idea that one day I would be using it and teaching it to help people overcome negative emotions, including the emotions of grief and sadness. But I’m sure glad I had this knowledge in my tool box because it made a huge shift in my emotional state whenever the seemingly unshakeable feelings would surface.
Each night when I began, I didn’t feel up to the challenge, but I recognized how to overcome my own resistance to the routine by focusing on taking small steps. Not big ones. Nothing major. Just a few steps in reverse.
After a few steps I would tell myself, “Just give me 100 steps.” When I had almost reached 100 steps I was eager for another 100, and so on.
At 500 steps I felt so good I could have stopped, but the urge to keep going, the internal impetus to transcend and rise above it all was telling me to keep going.
Keep going, I did, until I reached 2,000 steps. Then I jumped in the sauna for at least 20 minutes.
The sauna alone is great for toughening yourself up mentally – but I don’t recommend doing it before purging the grief and sadness from your system.
Each evening, after Dao Zou and the sauna, I would go to bed feeling so much better. But the next day, at some point, another layer of grief would emerge.
What to do now?
How about the same thing you did yesterday?
How about you rinse and repeat what works, realizing there is no “one time fixes all” approach in the self-development or spiritual world.
Brush your teeth daily. Shower daily. And clean your mind daily with some form of meditation, prayer or visualization – or all of the above, if necessary.
After 10 evenings of daily Dao Zou, I woke up one morning with an unmistakable feeling of inner peace about my father’s passing. What a glorious moment.
The results I got this time around, proved to me once again, that Dao Zou is much more than a health and fitness program. It’s a healing program that emphasizes moving, instead of trying to sit your way to feeling better, which doesn’t work.
Dao Zou can help clear the mind-body of sadness and grief, as well as worry, self-doubt and fear.
It can also help you learn other skills faster than anything I have ever seen or witnessed. It truly is the Ultimate in Moving Meditation as it catapults you into an incredibly vibrant state of consciousness.
Now you can claim your copy of Dao Zou at a ridiculously low amount. And if you prefer, you can download it digitally and begin practicing almost immediately, giving you instant proof of what I’m writing about.
Discover the power of moving meditation NOW.
Claim your copy of Dao Zou.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Matt Furey
Kicking IS the Habit
The old commercials in the 1960’s and 70’s spoke about “kicking the habit” when it came to cigarette smoking.
Framed positively, I think of kicking AS the daily habit I want in my life.
Instead of kicking a bad habit, though, I picture kicking a GOOD habit into high gear. And kicking, in and of itself, is superb exercise for brain and body.
’tis part of the reason that I love kicking. Lots and lots of kicking.
Kicking footballs, soccer balls… even basketballs.
Kicking heavy bags. Kicking weeds.
All are good, but kicking into an imaginary scenario that I’m picturing in the air, that’s my favorite.
Last night I knocked out 100 kicks. That’s the goal I set for “light” days. But once I get going, even on easy training days, it can be hard to stop because once the dopamine and serotonin kick in, it’s a different world, one where time ceases to exist.
I take plenty of short rest breaks when I’m kicking. I don’t just kick until I’m done. It’s not uncommon for me to begin with kicks in sets of 10. I do them in super slow motion, slow motion, at a fair clip as well as at lightning fast. The variances make it easy to get my work in and make the training invigorating.
I start small so I can tackle it all.
The way I look at it, 10 kicks a day, without missing, is better than thinking I should do 1,000, but I never start because I’ve set a goal so big that I’m resisting going after it.
And that’s one of the previously unrevealed truths about setting all those big, hairy goals. Some of those hairs get stuck on your tongue and in the back of your throat. They make you resist and rebel against the very thing you supposedly decided upon.
Small daily goals remove the emotional resistance you may have to “doing the work.” If you don’t turn something into a “chore,” then your mind is free to have fun and enjoy what you’re doing. It’s also free to go way beyond the initial goal you set. Way, way beyond.
Kick your habits into high gear, one swat at a time.
Matt Furey
P.S. If you’ve already read the 35 million copy best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics, then take a gander at the advanced courses: Zero Resistance Living and Theatre of the Mind
You, are the Director
Think of your life as a major motion feature, and in this movie, you’re more than an actor. You’re also the director, the producer, the editor, as well as the audience.
When you begin to see yourself from this vantage point, you gain an advantage, a sense of well being and control, over every aspect of your life.
Instead of doubting whether or not you can change the way you think, feel and act, you realize you CAN.
The director within says, “cut,” and has you to perform the scene again. You continue to make adjustments until the director within is pleased with the improvements.
Viewing your life from a broader perspective isn’t a one-time exercise that sticks with you forever. All improvements in life are in accord with the Law of Practice.
Visualization practice is similar to a daily shower. If you practice showering once a week, you will look, smell and feel better for one day. If you shower daily, you are better off each and every day.
Practice, or the lack of it, makes you or breaks you
Participating in a consistent visualization practice will benefit you in seen and unseen ways. To reap the rewards, make sure you’re reading and listening to the truisms that are available at Psycho-Cybernetics.
And when you are ready to go to the next level with me as your coach, go here and let’s see how I can help you become the director of your own major motion feature.
See it. Feel it. Do it.
Matt Furey
When Goal Setting Isn’t Working
There are many reasons that so many goal setting methods don’t work for the majority of the people who use them.
Here are seven of those reasons:
1. The goals are too big.
2. The goals tend to create fear, panic, anxiety and nervousness.
3. The goals don’t spontaneously put you “in the zone” – and the teachers of the methods erroneously claim that ALL success comes from getting OUT of your comfort zone. This is easily refuted by observing how quickly children (and adults) learn when they are comfortable versus how difficult it is for them to learn when their nerves are rattled.
4. The goals involve too many action steps.
5. The goals are all about money, status, fame and power.
6. The goals are things you think you “should” do, be or have rather than what is best for you.
7. The goals are only about results and never cover a procedural system that will make attainment of the objective much easier.
Yes, there are people who believe the opposite of what I’ve shown above, but as I so often tell them, “Find the places in Psycho-Cybernetics where Dr. Maltz teaches you to do any of the above. And when you find that I am in error, give me the page, paragraph and line.”
I seriously doubt you’ll be able to find Dr. Maltz telling you to “set goals that scare you,” or to “get out of your comfort zone.”
Why?
Because neither of these notions helps facilitate your brain and nervous system automatically and effortlessly moving toward the targets you have in mind.
Tis true.
How about setting goals that inspire you, goals that create momentum, goals that catapult you into “the zone” where everything you do feels as though you have the magic touch?
That’s what I teach, my friend.
If you want to learn how to truly apply Psycho-Cybernetics, then check out mycoaching program, by going here.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Matt Furey
What the H?
A lot of people ask the wrong questions.
“How are you going to do that? How are you going to make more, do more, be more?”
These are what I call “What the H?” questions. They are out of line, as well as out of order.
Your top priority is having your “what?” established.
A “what question” asks you to search your mind for a specific target. A “how question” tends to begin an internal debate about whether the target is within the realm of possibility.
There is a time and a place for “how questions,” but it is NOT before you ask “what questions.”
Picture what you want. Choose a specific target. After doing so, you can ask yourself how you’re going to pull it off, how you going to get it done.
Or, better yet, you can continue asking yourself what questions, such as, “What am I going to do to get this done? What am I prepared and willing to do to create this result?”
One of the biggest keys to using Psycho-Cybernetics effectively is establishing the WHAT before the HOW.
“What’s my goal for today?” causes an entirely different mindset than, “How am I going to get through today?”
What questions get you to think in terms of possibilities that can become realities. How questions keep you locked in resistance-mode over whether or not you can accomplish something.
Replace your how with a what –
and you’ll walk with a strut.
See and experience the difference –
of living life without resistance.
See it. Feel it. Become it.
Matt Furey
P.S. More on turning How into What in my best-selling Nightingale-Conant program, Theatre of the Mind.
P.P.S. For information on coaching with me, go here
