Q: Matt, I’m listening to Theatre of the Mind for the third time and getting more and more out of it. In the program you spoke about the folly of “I AM” affirmations and how saying “I am going to” or “I will” are better approaches. As you know, this advice flies in the face of what the other gurus are teaching. How are you able to take such a stand with such confidence when it appears that everyone else is saying the opposite?
Jack
A: Great question, Jack. My answer is based on my success record. It is not based on theory. It is also based upon a simple observation of nature and reality.
Here’s what I mean by simple observation: Each and every day you mentally picture yourself getting something to eat and drink – unless you’re fasting, and in that case, you are picturing yourself not eating. This seemingly automatic and unconscious mental imagery is taking place as you ask yourself basic and fundamental questions such as: “What do I want to eat?” and “What do I want to drink?”
After a question about food and drink has been asked, your mind scans through a number of images and these images create feelings of pleasure or disgust within you. For example, you may love a ribeye steak but hate the idea of eating fish. You may crave fruit while disapproving of a salad with croutons. In fact, as you read the preceding sentences, you probably pictured each of the foods that were listed and various feelings immediately emerged within you.
This is what happens when you ask yourself “What do I want to eat?” each day. This is what happens when your answer contains the words, “I want to eat…” or “I am going to eat….”
Yes, the words “I want to” and “I am going to” and “I will” are future-based. And this is important because the truth is you haven’t eaten yet.
After asking yourself, “What do I want to eat?” you make a selection, a specific choice, and then you move heaven and earth to make sure you get your selection inside your mouth where you can munch on it. And you do this every single day of your life, usually with zero conscious awareness of the process.
What is your success rate with this method? It is probably 1,000 percent.
So, this starling observation leaves me wondering why someone would abandon a success process with a track record of 1,000 percent and go for one with the supposedly supernatural “I AM,” that incidentally, has a win-loss record that is incredibly embarrassing.
This is why I go with the tried and the true, “I am going to,” “I will” and “I want to.”
If you are broke, you can say, “I AM RICH” ten gazillion times and it won’t change a thing about your life in any positive way.
If you weigh 400 pounds, you can say, “I AM 200 pounds of chiseled muscle,” all you want and nothing will change.
But look out for the person who PICTURES abundance, prosperity and wealth. Look out for the 400-pounder who sees himself weighing 200 pounds with six-pack abs.
It’s about how you SEE YOURSELF – how you mentally picture going from where you are to getting what you want.
It’s recognizing that you aren’t wealthy until you are. You aren’t fit until you are. You haven’t written a book until you have written it.
Firstly and lastly, at the most basic and fundamental level, you haven’t eaten until you have eaten.
Picture what you want. Tell yourself you’re going to get it. Then go get it – or, if it’s a longer-term objective, work your butt off until it becomes yours.
You got it?
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
The Enjoy Your Life Crowd
Last week I was in Nashville, speaking at an event as well as tasting the incredible food the area offers. I was working and having a good ole time.
On Friday evening I got together with a friend and client, Ken, who lives there. As Ken and I sat around talking shop while munching steaks and pounding calamari, he explained some of the cultural differences between Tennessee and Florida.
“If you hear someone honk at another car, in order to hurry them along, everyone who lives in Nashville immediately knows the person honking is a tourist,” he said. “Nashville people don’t honk at anyone. There’s no need to hurry. Enjoy your life.”
Those last three words, “enjoy your life,” were used by Ken about fifty times over the next five hours. And they got me thinking about what you choose to focus on.
When I was a collegiate wrestler, I didn’t focus on whether or not I was enjoying myself. I focused on putting in the work that would lead to a national championship.
If someone were to interrupt my training to ask, “Are you enjoying yourself? Are you enjoying your life?” I wouldn’t relate to the question at all.
Of course I was enjoying myself, even when the training was somewhat tortuous. I was doing what I set out to do.
Sometimes the reality of a choice is tough. Sometimes it’s easy to say yes or no; sometimes it’s hard. But enjoyment isn’t the end-all, be-all.
When I was training for the World Kung Fu championships, no one ever asked me if I was enjoying myself, but I did have someone who tried to interfere with my weight-cutting process.
I was sitting in a sauna in Beijing, getting a sweat going to drop the last few pounds before weigh-ins. Once the beads were dripping off my skin, I put on a vinyl suit as well as a pair of cotton sweats. Then I put on a winter cap, left the sauna and jumped on a treadmill.
“Are you okay?” a man asked as he saw the sweat pouring off me.
“Yes,” I replied, looking the other way to stifle the conversation.
“You are sweating too hard,” he continued. “You will be too tired when the competition starts.”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion,” I said.
“Enjoy yourself. Don’t work too hard,” he added.
“Could you please do me a favor?”
“Sure. What can I do to help?”
“Go talk to someone else. Leave me alone.”
I wasn’t in Beijing to enjoy myself. I was there to win a world championship. Winning the world title, as well as the other matches, was enjoyable. Cutting the weight? Not so much. Yet, it had to be done for me to compete and win.
If my highest value was “enjoyment,” then I wouldn’t have bothered cutting the weight. I also wouldn’t have won the title. That’s the way it goes.
Enjoyment is a natural byproduct of creating the results you want. You don’t need to be thinking about it or pondering it. You don’t need to be asking yourself if you’re enjoying what you’re doing. The real question is whether or not you’re getting what you want out of life.
If your objective is to get to a certain weight, you can enjoy all the food you want when you got out with friends. But when you step on the scale the next day, perhaps you don’t enjoy what you see staring back at you. Keep this in mind as you make your choices.
Yes, there are times when your sole objective may be enjoyment, such as a vacation. You’re not attempting to create anything or reach any goal when you’re taking time off from “the grind.” But when you have a goal in mind, there’s no rule that says you must enjoy every step along the way. Some steps are enjoyable and some steps suck. That’s the way life is organized.
Sometimes, even saying no to your favorite food or beverage is a wise choice.
If enjoyment alone is the standard of measurement, I don’t think you’re doing as well as the person who is willing to make sacrifices on the way to the goal. It’s not one or the other; it’s both.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
The Worst Question in Self-Development
The first time someone asked me the worst question in self-development was back in 1990.
My first thought was, “What a creepy thing to ask? What do you want to know that for?”
Over the years, I’ve heard more and more people asking this question and my opinion of it hasn’t changed.
What’s the question?
It is this: “And how did/does that make you feel?”
Various forms and guises of this question are now prevalent in everywhere, including in professional sports, during their post-game interviews.
Reporter: “How did you feel when you hit the homerun? How did you feel when you scored your first touchdown? How did you feel when you sunk the game winning shot?”
Everything is about feelings with almost no insights into the “inner game” or strategy of the athlete.
Good questions are almost completely absent from interviews today, much less useful coaching.
Instead of discovering what someone was thinking, which may include his or her feelings, reporters, teachers and coaches isolate the one thing they think matters most. And the truth is the one thing they think matters the most usually matters the least.
Feelings are a factor in properly positioning your mind for success, but when it comes to overcoming adversity, to rising above deep difficulties, to accomplishing a goal, the caveman mentality often works best.
Look at the images the caveman drew upon the wall for his fellow cavemen to see. Listen to him speak about what he drew.
See those buffalo? Those deer? Tomorrow we go hunt and bring home. You want? Raaaaaaaahhhhh.
The goal is established. Sights are now set. The only thing left is action.
At no time does the caveman ask, “And how does tomorrow’s hunt make you feel?”
When you visualize, you mentally picture your goal. You also imagine and pretend you can hear the sounds and feel the feelings of getting what you want. All three of these senses are important; so are the others that I didn’t mention. But feelings are not driving the bus. Images playing within the mind of the bus driver dictate where the rig goes.
Your self-image is most important. It is the blueprint for where you’re going in life. Your feelings are a factor, but they are far from being the most important one.
Never answer the question, “And how does that make you feel?”
Focus on your mental images and you’ll get along much better.
Matt Furey
One Breath at a Time
Frustration naturally arises when you’re trying to picture yourself in the future, but you feel stuck in the now.
This often leads to not wanting to do anything to achieve your goal, because the objective is too far off – or you encounter feelings that you can’t do it, so there’s no use trying.
“Let’s slow this train down, shall we?” I once told a client who was driving himself nuts. “You’re already talking about what you’re going to do when you’re 60 and you’re not even 40 years of age. Let’s start taking care of today. Better yet, let’s take care of your next breath.”
“What will focusing on my breath do for me?” he asked.
“For starters, it’ll help you eliminate fear, worry, frustration, self-doubt and feelings of failure,” I replied. “Beyond that, it will help you begin creating results that you can take pride in… today. But if you’d rather feel uptight most of the time, stick with what you’re doing. It works.”
He took what I told him seriously and began to focus and visualize the way I taught him.
After a year, he texted me to proclaim, “I can’t believe it. I was just doing my taxes and I doubled my income. I was in shock, so I double-checked the numbers, and sure enough, I was correct the first time. I’m stunned.”
“And how many years did you get the same-old results using the other methods?” I asked.
“Too many to think of at this time,” he answered.
“That’s a reply I enjoy hearing. One breath at a time, eh?”
“Yes. One breath at a time.”
Matt Furey
P.S. Want to get Psycho-Cybernetics coaching and take your game to the next level? Then click the link in the preceding sentence. This is the opportunity of your lifetime. Seize the day.
Goal Setting Frustration
Someone once asked me, “Where do you want to be in 20 years?”
“20 years?” I replied. “Are you serious? How about asking me where I see myself at the end of today?”
There’s a fundamental disconnect in goal setting that leads to deep frustration, fear and self-doubt. This disconnect unwittingly teaches you to be miserable until you reach a certain milestone.
Once you reach that milestone, THEN you can be happy.
Sorry, but happiness doesn’t work that way.
Happiness is something you practice on the way to your goal. There is no goal that, once achieved, will install happiness as a habit.
Setting a bunch of long-range targets is a waste of time for almost everyone who does it. After a year or two, when you notice that none of your targets are being reached, you not only lose interest in the goals you set, but you begin to think that you’re a failure when it comes to goal setting.
If this scenario looks and feels familiar, it’s not your fault. You failed because you were playing in a rigged game with the wrong system.
The game sounds great, but it’s rigged because your chances of having the same goals for 20 years are about as slim as Minnesota Fats.
Yes, there is a much better way to set and achieve goals. There’s a much easier arena for you to play in – and WIN.
And it has nothing to do with imposing a new set of beliefs upon yourself.
It has nothing to do with figuring out what your negative thoughts are, or devising a strategy to make all of them positive.
It has nothing to do with thinking big, or setting goals that scare you.
It has nothing to do with the ridiculous maxim of getting out of your comfort zone. Do you really think that a star athlete who is “in the zone” is uncomfortable? Hell no. He’s in the comfort zone – and that’s why he’s playing so well.
Additionally, this way of setting and achieving goals has nothing to do with the concept of taking MASSIVE ACTION.
Yes, I am serious.
I’ll go so far as to say there is no such thing as massive action. It’s a myth.
Look at reality.
You only get one breath at a time. You only get to take one step at a time. You only get to live one second at a time.
Color reality massive all you want – but this only causes more fast-twitch anxiety, nervousness and frustration.
Here’s something you may not have realized, even if you’ve read Dr. Maxwell Maltz classic best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics, numerous times. None of the concepts I blasted above, were favorably mentioned in his book.
If you think that Dr. Maltz wrote about the importance of getting out of your comfort zone or taking massive action, then please send me the passage so I can make a correction. But the fact is you aren’t going to find those passages.
Nor will you find Dr. Maltz telling you to think big or to set goals that scare you.
This explains why, when I begin coaching new clients, I usually have to help them rewind their minds, to go back to the time before they began swallowing the gobbledegook. I help them go back to a time when they were succeeding without thinking too much about it.
I’m currently in the process of interviewing prospective coaching clients – people who want to get the real goods on successful living – and go to the NEXT LEVEL.
If you are one of those people who wants to go beyond where you currently are without having to fabricate 20 years of your future, if you want to follow a simple approach to successful living that gives you results you can look at and examine on a daily basis, then go to my coaching page and fill out an application. If it turns out that we are a fit, then I will get back with you.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Best,
Matt Furey
About that Big, Scary Goal You’ve Set
This morning a guy in the sauna started rapping with me about the power of big goals; especially the ones that scare you and force you out of your comfort zone as you supposedly take “massive action.”
I was laughing inside as he spoke because I’m aware that he hasn’t achieved a single one of his big goals, and I’ve been watching and waiting for well over ten years.
The guy insists on big goals, the big dream, the grand hurrah. But it never comes.
Meanwhile, he would be far better off focusing on what he can control in the here and now. What goal can he accomplish TODAY?
It’s wonderful thinking you can control what is going to happen in your life ten or twenty years from now. But the truth is that most people will NOT be the same as they are today, a year from now, much less five or more years down the road. This means, chances are excellent that the one who is writing the 20-year blueprint for his or her life today won’t even exist when that day comes around.
“Where you going to be in five years?” I was asked.
“Five years?” I replied. “You want to know where I’m going to be in five years? How about you ask me what I’m going to get done today, or this week, or this month, or at the furthest, by the end of this year?”
There’s a reason that Dr. Maltz recommended daily goals in Zero Resistance Living – and that is the advanced course on Psycho-Cybernetics.
In short, if you’re not able to focus on and achieve a daily goal, you’re not ready for a bigger, scarier goal with a longer time frame.
Prove to yourself that you can focus on something today – and make it happen. Achieve one new goal everyday for a year, and I bet you will have run a hundred laps around those with the big, scary goals who can’t get themselves off the sofa; or those who go into each day frightened and worried that they might fail.
On a daily basis, give yourself the experience that you are WINNING.
When winning becomes a daily habit, it becomes a long-term reality.
Same can be said about losing.
In order to establish momentum in a positive direction, you need daily feedback that shows you that you’re making something good happen in your life. This isn’t happening with the long-term goals.
Focus on the achievements in the NOW and you’ll make people look up and say WOW.
See it. Feel it. Live it.
Matt Furey
You, are the Director
Think of your life as a major motion feature, and in this movie, you’re more than an actor. You’re also the director, the producer, the editor, as well as the audience.
When you begin to see yourself from this vantage point, you gain an advantage, a sense of well being and control, over every aspect of your life.
Instead of doubting whether or not you can change the way you think, feel and act, you realize you CAN.
The director within says, “cut,” and has you to perform the scene again. You continue to make adjustments until the director within is pleased with the improvements.
Viewing your life from a broader perspective isn’t a one-time exercise that sticks with you forever. All improvements in life are in accord with the Law of Practice.
Visualization practice is similar to a daily shower. If you practice showering once a week, you will look, smell and feel better for one day. If you shower daily, you are better off each and every day.
Practice, or the lack of it, makes you or breaks you
Participating in a consistent visualization practice will benefit you in seen and unseen ways. To reap the rewards, make sure you’re reading and listening to the truisms that are available at Psycho-Cybernetics.
And when you are ready to go to the next level with me as your coach, go here and let’s see how I can help you become the director of your own major motion feature.
See it. Feel it. Do it.
Matt Furey
3 Bizarre Ways to Wake Up Your Brain
If you’re not in the mood to do what you need to do, to get done what needs getting done, especially when you want to get it done, then here are some bizarre ways to light up your brain and get yourself propelled forward:
1. Take out a pen or pencil and begin drawing a series of straight lines. Don’t try to draw the straightest lines you can draw. Instead, mentally picture a straight line being drawn as you move the instrument. If the line isn’t as straight as it would be when using a ruler, then join the club. Even seasoned artists cannot draw lines that straight. After drawing some straight lines, you can move to wavy lines, circles and figure 8’s. Five minutes of his exercise is all you need to kick start your brain.
2. Get your hands dirty by working with plants and trees. If you have a garden, this is easy. If not, you nowhere to go to get started.
Digging into the earth with your hands and feet does more than activate the brain, though. When you take care of what you previously planted, when you observe the seasonal, automatic changes taking place, your mind cannot help but ponder whether or not a Creator’s hand is involved. As you look at the laws of nature with something you planted, you are drawn to examine how these same laws are operating in your life.
3. Do something noisy. Whether it’s beating a drum, cracking a whip, knocking over pins (bowling), hitting golf balls, playing ping pong, singing/chanting, shooting free throws or tapping your fingertips or feet on a floor or table, your brain loves the repetitive sound of noise. It doesn’t take long, either, for your brain to relax, to leave the limbic world of fight, flight or freeze and enter the world of the creative gene-yes (genius).
All of these exercises give you some creative ways to blow off steam and gain a feeling of control over your life.
It’s true, sometimes, even when we want to get going, we can resist doing so. This is when it is a grand idea to pull some tools out of your grab bag and get yourself going, without even realizing you are doing so. Giving your hands something to do is ideal because your hands (and feet) have more nerve endings connected to your brain than any other areas of the body.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Matt Furey
Psycho-Cybernetics.com
P.S. For more information on getting coached in Psycho-Cybernetics and Theatre of the Mind, go here.
Big Goals – Big Energy?
If you want more energy for each day, then set your goals BIG and think BIGGER.
But what if you’ve already done that and you can’t get yourself out of bed in the morning because you’re paralyzed with fear, worry and self-doubt?
This is what happens to many people who’ve been taught the standard goal-setting procedures. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones where you set big, hairy, ludicrous goals, especially ones that “scare” you.
Yes, it is ludicrous to set a goal that scares you. And it is the polar opposite of what Dr. Maltz taught in Psycho-Cybernetics.
As for goals that inspire you, that’s a different story altogether.
The truth is it doesn’t take a big goal to get you off your duff. Small, simple goals that you can nail on a daily basis will definitely do. And then once a month or every two weeks, you stretch yourself. You go where you’ve never gone before – yet you do so without anxiety, worry or the ridiculous notion of “getting out of your comfort zone.”
Huh? What?
You mean I don’t need to get out of my comfort zone?
Correct. You need to find your comfort zone and expand it without even trying to do so, without giving any thought to it whatsoever.
Want to learn how to do this? Then contact me about coaching by going here.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Matt Furey
When Goal Setting Isn’t Working
There are many reasons that so many goal setting methods don’t work for the majority of the people who use them.
Here are seven of those reasons:
1. The goals are too big.
2. The goals tend to create fear, panic, anxiety and nervousness.
3. The goals don’t spontaneously put you “in the zone” – and the teachers of the methods erroneously claim that ALL success comes from getting OUT of your comfort zone. This is easily refuted by observing how quickly children (and adults) learn when they are comfortable versus how difficult it is for them to learn when their nerves are rattled.
4. The goals involve too many action steps.
5. The goals are all about money, status, fame and power.
6. The goals are things you think you “should” do, be or have rather than what is best for you.
7. The goals are only about results and never cover a procedural system that will make attainment of the objective much easier.
Yes, there are people who believe the opposite of what I’ve shown above, but as I so often tell them, “Find the places in Psycho-Cybernetics where Dr. Maltz teaches you to do any of the above. And when you find that I am in error, give me the page, paragraph and line.”
I seriously doubt you’ll be able to find Dr. Maltz telling you to “set goals that scare you,” or to “get out of your comfort zone.”
Why?
Because neither of these notions helps facilitate your brain and nervous system automatically and effortlessly moving toward the targets you have in mind.
Tis true.
How about setting goals that inspire you, goals that create momentum, goals that catapult you into “the zone” where everything you do feels as though you have the magic touch?
That’s what I teach, my friend.
If you want to learn how to truly apply Psycho-Cybernetics, then check out mycoaching program, by going here.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Matt Furey
