One morning, over 30 years ago, I looked into the eyes of a defeated man.
I was looking in the mirror. I was looking at myself.
At the time, I felt defeated. I felt beaten. I thought of myself as a failure.
And yet, I had more successes racked up than most people my age.
If that was the case, why did I feel the way I felt?
The answer is simple: I focused on my failures. I focused on my losses. I overlooked my victories.
And the more I focused on the fact that I didn’t win “this one” or “that one” – the worse my life got.
Anyway, that morning, when I saw a defeated man in the mirror, I decided to make a change. I decided to focus on what I had already accomplished instead of where I fell short.
By changing my focus from failures to successes, not only did I feel better, but I started winning again.
Not every time. Not all the time.
But often.
A lot more often.
The other day I spoke with a man who lost a windfall’s worth of money over 10 years ago, and to this very day, he can’t get this loss “out of his head.”
“I lost over three million dollars,” he exclaimed.
“So?” I replied with my stock answer.
“But that’s a lot of money,” he continued.
“So what if it is?” I added.
“But I feel so bad about it. I don’t know what to do,” he complained.
I shuffled some papers, then said, “If you made it before you can go make it again. But if you keep focusing on what you lost, you’ll never get it back.”
All of us have our moments. All of us fail, make mistakes, have setbacks.
We tend to beat ourselves up about what we did “wrong.”
But what if what you did wrong turned out to be perfect?
“Perfect Mistakes” is what I call them.
If you look for the perfection in a mistake, you will find it. But if you keep condemning yourself for a mistake, you’ll gain no ground.
The more you condemn yourself the more you take on the look of a defeated, timid, fearful soul.
Yes, you can see the defeat in someone’s eyes.
If you have the defeated look, change it. You change it by focusing on what is good now. You change it by focusing on what went well in the past.
No matter how small, find the good and amplify it.
Doing so will give you the eyes of a tiger.
You’ll see them in the mirror after changing what you’re focusing on.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Matt Furey
Instagram – @mattfureysays
Youtube – Matt Furey – Zen Master Says