Last weekend, as I watched the finish of the 2020 Women’s Olympic Marathon in Tokyo, Japan, I took out my camera to record the interview with Molly Seidel, who won the bronze medal, becoming only the third woman in U.S. history to medal in the event.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe it,” Molly said after the race. “Just getting here was already a dream come true. And to be able to come out today against a field like this and to be able to come away with a medal, a bronze, for the U.S., uh, I’m in shock. I’m in disbelief right now.”
I sent the video clip I shot to Jack, a client, with the following line: “See what I mean? Here’s even more proof you don’t need to believe you can do something in advance to make it happen. Picture the goal. Picture it daily. Picture it with enthusiasm. Picture it BIG. Then get to work. And after you walk through your goal, the reality is you still might not truly believe that you did it, even though you know you did. Achieving a goal can be a surreal experience.”
Jack replied: “So even at the Olympic level, athletes don’t fully believe in themselves.”
“Correct. At every level this is the truth you’re not being told. Athletes battle fear, worry, self-doubt and the doldrums that often accompany defeat.”
“So the idea of an athlete entering the ring without any fear whatsoever…”
“Is pure bunk,” I interjected. “30 minutes before I stepped out on the mat in the world championships, I was more than just a wee bit nervous. But then I calmed my emotions and cleared my mind. I gave myself a blank slate, so I could go out there and perform without unnecessary tension.”
“Did you believe it after you won?”
“I believed that one – but other victories still astound me. The thing they all have in common is picturing a result and then going after it without thinking too much about it. Picture and go.”
“What you’re telling me reminds me of the long jumper in the Olympics,” Jack mentioned. “I think it was the 1968 Olympics.”
“Yes, you’re talking about Bob Beamon. He leaped so far in his first attempt that he broke the Olympic record by 55 centimeters. And get this, he physically collapsed after the feat, not from exhaustion, but out of disbelief. He couldn’t believe he did what he did. So Beamon didn’t leap as far as he did because he believed he would. It’s the same as the little ole lady who lifts the car off her loved one. She doesn’t lift the car due to her belief, but due to her mental imagery and the adrenal surge the mental image created.”
“So I don’t need to spend all my time trying to override my existing limiting beliefs?”
“Correct. Picturing what you want is the key. And last time I checked, you don’t need to believe in order to picture.”
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
He Was Majoring in Minor Things
Jack was really good at majoring in minor things.
He was superb at focusing on various aspects of himself that were, for the most part, irrelevant to whether or not he would get tangible results he could point to and say, “See what I did?”
Here are some examples of what Jack was doing:
* Instead of learning to picture what he wanted and focusing on it – he learned to “think positive.”
* Instead of forming a clear image of who he wants to be – he focused on changing “limiting beliefs.”
* Instead of observing where he is in relation to his goals – he learned to stand before the mirror and say, “I like myself. I love myself and doggone it, people dig me.”
* Instead of using what I call “your natural success formula,” the one that you’re actually batting 1,000 with, he learned to write and speak affirmations that begin with “I AM.”
I AM THIS and I AM THAT.
These methods proved to be ineffective in accomplishing anything for Jack – other than temporarily making himself feel comfortable in his own skin.
Alrighty then, you feel comfortable being yourself, but what do you have to show for it? Nothing.
On the other hand, when Jack learned to focus the way I taught him to focus, he instantly felt good about himself, even though there was zero attention on the “self” whatsoever. Moreover, at the end of his day, he accomplished something that he could point to and say, “Look what I did.”
As I told Jack, “When it comes to most self-development, there’s an abundance of focus on the SELF and almost none on the
DEVELOPMENT.”
He now knows this to be true – and has the tangible results to prove it.
If you’re tired of all the positive thinking mantras, the reality-contradicting I AM statements, and all the boomerangs that come with working on your limiting beliefs, then you’ll love the products offered on the Psycho-Cybernetics website.
Moreover, you and I may even hit it off in grand style as I take you to the next level with my elite coaching. That’s the coaching where I take you from majoring in minor things to getting major things accomplished.
Simplify your success-generating process.
Eliminate all the non-essential fluffy feel good stuff and utilize the material that gets you results that GO – results that make you feel good, even though you’re not even focused on it.
Make sense?
Then…
Let’s Do It!
Matt Furey
The Enjoy Your Life Crowd
Last week I was in Nashville, speaking at an event as well as tasting the incredible food the area offers. I was working and having a good ole time.
On Friday evening I got together with a friend and client, Ken, who lives there. As Ken and I sat around talking shop while munching steaks and pounding calamari, he explained some of the cultural differences between Tennessee and Florida.
“If you hear someone honk at another car, in order to hurry them along, everyone who lives in Nashville immediately knows the person honking is a tourist,” he said. “Nashville people don’t honk at anyone. There’s no need to hurry. Enjoy your life.”
Those last three words, “enjoy your life,” were used by Ken about fifty times over the next five hours. And they got me thinking about what you choose to focus on.
When I was a collegiate wrestler, I didn’t focus on whether or not I was enjoying myself. I focused on putting in the work that would lead to a national championship.
If someone were to interrupt my training to ask, “Are you enjoying yourself? Are you enjoying your life?” I wouldn’t relate to the question at all.
Of course I was enjoying myself, even when the training was somewhat tortuous. I was doing what I set out to do.
Sometimes the reality of a choice is tough. Sometimes it’s easy to say yes or no; sometimes it’s hard. But enjoyment isn’t the end-all, be-all.
When I was training for the World Kung Fu championships, no one ever asked me if I was enjoying myself, but I did have someone who tried to interfere with my weight-cutting process.
I was sitting in a sauna in Beijing, getting a sweat going to drop the last few pounds before weigh-ins. Once the beads were dripping off my skin, I put on a vinyl suit as well as a pair of cotton sweats. Then I put on a winter cap, left the sauna and jumped on a treadmill.
“Are you okay?” a man asked as he saw the sweat pouring off me.
“Yes,” I replied, looking the other way to stifle the conversation.
“You are sweating too hard,” he continued. “You will be too tired when the competition starts.”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion,” I said.
“Enjoy yourself. Don’t work too hard,” he added.
“Could you please do me a favor?”
“Sure. What can I do to help?”
“Go talk to someone else. Leave me alone.”
I wasn’t in Beijing to enjoy myself. I was there to win a world championship. Winning the world title, as well as the other matches, was enjoyable. Cutting the weight? Not so much. Yet, it had to be done for me to compete and win.
If my highest value was “enjoyment,” then I wouldn’t have bothered cutting the weight. I also wouldn’t have won the title. That’s the way it goes.
Enjoyment is a natural byproduct of creating the results you want. You don’t need to be thinking about it or pondering it. You don’t need to be asking yourself if you’re enjoying what you’re doing. The real question is whether or not you’re getting what you want out of life.
If your objective is to get to a certain weight, you can enjoy all the food you want when you got out with friends. But when you step on the scale the next day, perhaps you don’t enjoy what you see staring back at you. Keep this in mind as you make your choices.
Yes, there are times when your sole objective may be enjoyment, such as a vacation. You’re not attempting to create anything or reach any goal when you’re taking time off from “the grind.” But when you have a goal in mind, there’s no rule that says you must enjoy every step along the way. Some steps are enjoyable and some steps suck. That’s the way life is organized.
Sometimes, even saying no to your favorite food or beverage is a wise choice.
If enjoyment alone is the standard of measurement, I don’t think you’re doing as well as the person who is willing to make sacrifices on the way to the goal. It’s not one or the other; it’s both.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
The Agony of Defeat
Last night I eavesdropped on the College World Series.
The baseball game was between Vanderbilt and North Carolina State. Per usual, the outcome ended up being a heartbreaking loss for one pitcher, and a glorious victory for another.
Vanderbilt pitcher, Jack Leiter, whose father, Al, pitched in the major leagues, carved up the other team… yet lost, 1-0.
One pitch, and a good pitch it was, got knocked out of the park by Terrell Tatum of North Carolina State.
Other than the homerun, Leiter was phenomenal.
One swing of the bat did him in.
His Vanderbilt team, the “defending” national champions, are now playing in the consolation brackets.
What to do if you are the pitcher who lost? Focus on the one pitch that sailed over the fence? Blame yourself for the team’s loss?
Or do you look for and find something positive to focus on?
It’s tough to focus on what you did correctly after a loss. It’s tough to look for the positives, the “what’s good about it?” But it is necessary if you want to recover and move on to bigger and much better opportunities.
Even though focusing on the positive is necessary, the same can be said about looking at what went wrong.
We make mistakes so we can learn from them. We make mistakes so we can grow and get better. And sometimes we don’t even make a mistake, and we end up with a result we didn’t want, desire or expect.
That’s life.
Losing in sports, especially in front of thousands of fans and/or a nationally televised audience, can traumatize the brain at a deep level. Some losses are easy to put behind you while others do long-term damage. The losses you naturally adjust to are no big deal; the ones you hold onto are the ones that become “blocks.”
Athletes who lose in big games sometimes feel that “everyone” is looking at them with contempt and disdain. In some cases, fans are ruthless and give that impression (Bill Buckner and the Red Sox fans are a prime example), but most of the time most people are focused on their own problems as soon as the game ends.
This was first told to me at a low point in my athletic career. A professor who was in the audience when I lost a hard-fought bout, took note of my sullen demeanor the next day. He called me to the side and said, “I know losing sucks. It hurts. But one of the things you need to realize is this: No one cares.”
Ouch! I’m not sure which stung more at that time. Losing, or being told that no one cares if I lose.
Here’s the most important takeaway: Your reaction to losing and your interpretations of comments from well-meaning and/or diabolical fans, can be a traumatic experience for the brain. Even so, there’s an incredibly effective way to tame and transform this trauma and use the energy from it to create the life you want.
Anyone can learn how to do this. It’s not just for athletes. And the process leads to feelings of euphoria.
Part of taming the trauma involves the self-image exercises in Theatre of the Mind and Zero Resistance Living.
The other part involves private or group coaching.
If you sense that you have “blocks” to moving ahead, then get started today. Turn the tide in your favor. Tame your trauma. Say goodbye to the agony of defeat.
Best,
Matt Furey
The Worst Question in Self-Development
The first time someone asked me the worst question in self-development was back in 1990.
My first thought was, “What a creepy thing to ask? What do you want to know that for?”
Over the years, I’ve heard more and more people asking this question and my opinion of it hasn’t changed.
What’s the question?
It is this: “And how did/does that make you feel?”
Various forms and guises of this question are now prevalent in everywhere, including in professional sports, during their post-game interviews.
Reporter: “How did you feel when you hit the homerun? How did you feel when you scored your first touchdown? How did you feel when you sunk the game winning shot?”
Everything is about feelings with almost no insights into the “inner game” or strategy of the athlete.
Good questions are almost completely absent from interviews today, much less useful coaching.
Instead of discovering what someone was thinking, which may include his or her feelings, reporters, teachers and coaches isolate the one thing they think matters most. And the truth is the one thing they think matters the most usually matters the least.
Feelings are a factor in properly positioning your mind for success, but when it comes to overcoming adversity, to rising above deep difficulties, to accomplishing a goal, the caveman mentality often works best.
Look at the images the caveman drew upon the wall for his fellow cavemen to see. Listen to him speak about what he drew.
See those buffalo? Those deer? Tomorrow we go hunt and bring home. You want? Raaaaaaaahhhhh.
The goal is established. Sights are now set. The only thing left is action.
At no time does the caveman ask, “And how does tomorrow’s hunt make you feel?”
When you visualize, you mentally picture your goal. You also imagine and pretend you can hear the sounds and feel the feelings of getting what you want. All three of these senses are important; so are the others that I didn’t mention. But feelings are not driving the bus. Images playing within the mind of the bus driver dictate where the rig goes.
Your self-image is most important. It is the blueprint for where you’re going in life. Your feelings are a factor, but they are far from being the most important one.
Never answer the question, “And how does that make you feel?”
Focus on your mental images and you’ll get along much better.
Matt Furey
Zig-Zag Your Way to Success
Tue, Jun 8 at 10:51 AM Success comes in a straight line, but only after you’ve zigged and zagged your way to the finish.
When lightning strikes, it appears to be a zig and a zag, but when you draw a line from top to bottom, you’ll be amazed when you see the straight line.
Moving from Point A to Point B is a whole lot easier when you realize that switchbacks and winding roads are part of the straight line to the top.
As you journey through life, you are heading toward a goal even when you think you are off target. The mistakes and setbacks you encounter along the way are essential corrective feedback that you need in order to win the prize. No one achieves anything without mistakes. Errors along the way are just as important as the shots you make. Without mistakes, there’s no way to truly succeed.
There’s a reason that errors, mistakes and setbacks come before the word “success” in the dictionary.
Being able to stand back and observe your mistakes without getting upset about them is the hallmark of a winner. Another prized quality is the ability to observe what you did correctly when you succeeded, and figure out how to duplicate it.
If you can remember the feeling you had the first time you sunk a free-throw or caught a ball that was thrown to you, you’re setting yourself up for more of the same. But if you sit and brood over the mistakes you’ve made, the missed free-throws and dropped passes, you are not thinking about coming up with a way to succeed.
When you see your mistakes, instead of dwelling on them exclusively, ask yourself what you want to accomplish. Picture a result you want to make happen. See yourself where you want to be, then engage in the actions that will take you where you want to go.
Notice that I did NOT advise you to completely avoid looking at your mistakes. Take a good look at them. Study them. Then use the corrective feedback of the mistakes you made as a launchpad to where you really want to go.
Remember, you can travel the road to success in a straight line, but there will be zigs and zags in that line.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
P.S. If you want coaching in the process I’ve just described, click here.
Do the Thing – Feel the Power
“I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o’clock sharp.” – W. Somerset Maugham
When you look at the above quote, you may get the notion that inspiration strikes first, and that it is followed by action.
Because I’ve written plenty of books, newsletters and emails over the years, I can tell you that inspiration can strike BEFORE or AFTER you begin. Inspiration doesn’t necessarily precede action.
I have encountered this same truth in my training in various sports and martial arts, in learning a foreign language, and a plethora of other activities.
When I was training for the Honolulu marathon in 1990, there were days I wanted to run so much that I overdid it. There were days that I dreaded the running, until I got going. After 100 meters, I was ready to roll. And then there were days that I had to remind myself of “the dream” to keep myself going.
That’s the way it works.
Somedays you’re inspired before you run. Somedays you aren’t. But when you have an appointment with yourself and you are going to “do the thing” regardless of whether or not you feel inspired, a funny thing happens. Your brain and nervous system light up and you begin to feel inspired about what you’re doing.
No professional writer would ever claim, other than in jest, that he or she always feels inspired before getting started. But once the writer’s hands and fingers begin to move and words appear upon the blank sheet or screen, the brain releases dopamine and serotonin, and the writer begins to feel great, perhaps even inspired.
The truth is as follows;
Sometimes you feel inspired to write before you begin.
Sometimes you feel inspired after you begin.
Either way, inspiration doesn’t truly strike until someone and something moves.
Most importantly, it’s the daily doing at a specific time that makes the difference between the good and the great.
Set a specific time to do something on a regular basis and stick to that schedule. Some days you’ll be inspired to engage; other days you won’t. Engage anyway.
Don’t look for inspiration.
Do the thing and the inspiration will come of its own accord.
Matt Furey
P.S. Click on Psycho-Cybernetics for more information about our products and services.
One Breath at a Time
Frustration naturally arises when you’re trying to picture yourself in the future, but you feel stuck in the now.
This often leads to not wanting to do anything to achieve your goal, because the objective is too far off – or you encounter feelings that you can’t do it, so there’s no use trying.
“Let’s slow this train down, shall we?” I once told a client who was driving himself nuts. “You’re already talking about what you’re going to do when you’re 60 and you’re not even 40 years of age. Let’s start taking care of today. Better yet, let’s take care of your next breath.”
“What will focusing on my breath do for me?” he asked.
“For starters, it’ll help you eliminate fear, worry, frustration, self-doubt and feelings of failure,” I replied. “Beyond that, it will help you begin creating results that you can take pride in… today. But if you’d rather feel uptight most of the time, stick with what you’re doing. It works.”
He took what I told him seriously and began to focus and visualize the way I taught him.
After a year, he texted me to proclaim, “I can’t believe it. I was just doing my taxes and I doubled my income. I was in shock, so I double-checked the numbers, and sure enough, I was correct the first time. I’m stunned.”
“And how many years did you get the same-old results using the other methods?” I asked.
“Too many to think of at this time,” he answered.
“That’s a reply I enjoy hearing. One breath at a time, eh?”
“Yes. One breath at a time.”
Matt Furey
P.S. Want to get Psycho-Cybernetics coaching and take your game to the next level? Then click the link in the preceding sentence. This is the opportunity of your lifetime. Seize the day.
Goal Setting Frustration
Someone once asked me, “Where do you want to be in 20 years?”
“20 years?” I replied. “Are you serious? How about asking me where I see myself at the end of today?”
There’s a fundamental disconnect in goal setting that leads to deep frustration, fear and self-doubt. This disconnect unwittingly teaches you to be miserable until you reach a certain milestone.
Once you reach that milestone, THEN you can be happy.
Sorry, but happiness doesn’t work that way.
Happiness is something you practice on the way to your goal. There is no goal that, once achieved, will install happiness as a habit.
Setting a bunch of long-range targets is a waste of time for almost everyone who does it. After a year or two, when you notice that none of your targets are being reached, you not only lose interest in the goals you set, but you begin to think that you’re a failure when it comes to goal setting.
If this scenario looks and feels familiar, it’s not your fault. You failed because you were playing in a rigged game with the wrong system.
The game sounds great, but it’s rigged because your chances of having the same goals for 20 years are about as slim as Minnesota Fats.
Yes, there is a much better way to set and achieve goals. There’s a much easier arena for you to play in – and WIN.
And it has nothing to do with imposing a new set of beliefs upon yourself.
It has nothing to do with figuring out what your negative thoughts are, or devising a strategy to make all of them positive.
It has nothing to do with thinking big, or setting goals that scare you.
It has nothing to do with the ridiculous maxim of getting out of your comfort zone. Do you really think that a star athlete who is “in the zone” is uncomfortable? Hell no. He’s in the comfort zone – and that’s why he’s playing so well.
Additionally, this way of setting and achieving goals has nothing to do with the concept of taking MASSIVE ACTION.
Yes, I am serious.
I’ll go so far as to say there is no such thing as massive action. It’s a myth.
Look at reality.
You only get one breath at a time. You only get to take one step at a time. You only get to live one second at a time.
Color reality massive all you want – but this only causes more fast-twitch anxiety, nervousness and frustration.
Here’s something you may not have realized, even if you’ve read Dr. Maxwell Maltz classic best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics, numerous times. None of the concepts I blasted above, were favorably mentioned in his book.
If you think that Dr. Maltz wrote about the importance of getting out of your comfort zone or taking massive action, then please send me the passage so I can make a correction. But the fact is you aren’t going to find those passages.
Nor will you find Dr. Maltz telling you to think big or to set goals that scare you.
This explains why, when I begin coaching new clients, I usually have to help them rewind their minds, to go back to the time before they began swallowing the gobbledegook. I help them go back to a time when they were succeeding without thinking too much about it.
I’m currently in the process of interviewing prospective coaching clients – people who want to get the real goods on successful living – and go to the NEXT LEVEL.
If you are one of those people who wants to go beyond where you currently are without having to fabricate 20 years of your future, if you want to follow a simple approach to successful living that gives you results you can look at and examine on a daily basis, then go to my coaching page and fill out an application. If it turns out that we are a fit, then I will get back with you.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Best,
Matt Furey
Zero Resistance Goal Setting
Still setting all those big, hairy, scary long-term goals?
How you coming along?
Yes, you better believe there is a simpler, better, easier and non-scary way to put yourself on the path to achieving more than you ever thought possible.
And it doesn’t require you to look five, 10 or 20 years into the future in every area of your life.
It doesn’t require that you SET GOALS THAT SCARE YOU.
It doesn’t require you to get out of your COMFORT ZONE.
It doesn’t require MASSIVE ACTION.
Nor does it require you to THINK BIG.
None of the above were taught by Dr. Maxwell Maltz in his classical best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics. None of the above are taught by me.
I’m currently in the process of interviewing prospective coaching clients – people who want to get the real goods on successful living.
If you want to go beyond where you currently are, if you want to follow a simple approach to successful living that gives you results you can look at and examine on a daily basis, then reach out to me and we’ll see where it leads.
Best,
Matt Furey
