A reader asked,
Hey Matt. When’s the best time to focus on my goals? I get up and get busy cooking, then eating breakfast… and then I feel as though I lost out on when I should have been focusing. But I don’t feel as though I have the time to sit down before I cook and eat to do it. What do you recommend?
Jeri
And I responded as follows:
Hi Jeri. I recommend you eat your goal for breakfast, along with your food. Instead of thinking of two separate activities, knock both of them out in one full swoop. Have your goal for the day before you as you are eating. In between bites, or whilst you are eating, look at your goal and picture it being a done deal. And stop with the ‘should haves.’ There is no ‘should have.’ You either do something or you don’t do it. In your case, do two things. Eat your goals.
Matt Furey
The Real Scoop on Positive Affirmations
Q: Matt, I’m listening to Theatre of the Mind for the third time and getting more and more out of it. In the program you spoke about the folly of “I AM” affirmations and how saying “I am going to” or “I will” are better approaches. As you know, this advice flies in the face of what the other gurus are teaching. How are you able to take such a stand with such confidence when it appears that everyone else is saying the opposite?
Jack
A: Great question, Jack. My answer is based on my success record. It is not based on theory. It is also based upon a simple observation of nature and reality.
Here’s what I mean by simple observation: Each and every day you mentally picture yourself getting something to eat and drink – unless you’re fasting, and in that case, you are picturing yourself not eating. This seemingly automatic and unconscious mental imagery is taking place as you ask yourself basic and fundamental questions such as: “What do I want to eat?” and “What do I want to drink?”
After a question about food and drink has been asked, your mind scans through a number of images and these images create feelings of pleasure or disgust within you. For example, you may love a ribeye steak but hate the idea of eating fish. You may crave fruit while disapproving of a salad with croutons. In fact, as you read the preceding sentences, you probably pictured each of the foods that were listed and various feelings immediately emerged within you.
This is what happens when you ask yourself “What do I want to eat?” each day. This is what happens when your answer contains the words, “I want to eat…” or “I am going to eat….”
Yes, the words “I want to” and “I am going to” and “I will” are future-based. And this is important because the truth is you haven’t eaten yet.
After asking yourself, “What do I want to eat?” you make a selection, a specific choice, and then you move heaven and earth to make sure you get your selection inside your mouth where you can munch on it. And you do this every single day of your life, usually with zero conscious awareness of the process.
What is your success rate with this method? It is probably 1,000 percent.
So, this starling observation leaves me wondering why someone would abandon a success process with a track record of 1,000 percent and go for one with the supposedly supernatural “I AM,” that incidentally, has a win-loss record that is incredibly embarrassing.
This is why I go with the tried and the true, “I am going to,” “I will” and “I want to.”
If you are broke, you can say, “I AM RICH” ten gazillion times and it won’t change a thing about your life in any positive way.
If you weigh 400 pounds, you can say, “I AM 200 pounds of chiseled muscle,” all you want and nothing will change.
But look out for the person who PICTURES abundance, prosperity and wealth. Look out for the 400-pounder who sees himself weighing 200 pounds with six-pack abs.
It’s about how you SEE YOURSELF – how you mentally picture going from where you are to getting what you want.
It’s recognizing that you aren’t wealthy until you are. You aren’t fit until you are. You haven’t written a book until you have written it.
Firstly and lastly, at the most basic and fundamental level, you haven’t eaten until you have eaten.
Picture what you want. Tell yourself you’re going to get it. Then go get it – or, if it’s a longer-term objective, work your butt off until it becomes yours.
You got it?
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
Fear is Nothing
Fear is nothing but a mental image that is projected onto the screen of our mind.
Some fear is good for us as it prevents falling into a complacent state of over-confidence. Excessive fear, however, paralyzes us or makes us act irrationally, even ignoring our natural instincts.
When we encounter a fearful mental image, we have an opportunity to examine it. We can look at it objectively, then ask ourselves what the opposite of this image would be.
As soon as you become aware of what you are picturing when you feel a sense of fear, change the mental picture playing in the theatre of your mind to something that generates courage and confidence. In so doing, you feel a shift for the better and immediately begin to realize that your mental images govern your feelings.
You can interrupt the onslaught of fear and other negative emotions with deep breathing exercises – but ONLY if the deep breathing exercises are combined with mental imagery that shift your mind away from disruptive emotions.
To breathe deeply without a change in mental imagery might help you a tiny bit – but this microscopic change is negligible when compared to the MACROSCOPIC changes that instantaneously occur when you project “positive outcome” images on your mental movie screen.
Fear is only something when we make believe it is something.
Once we realize that we make ourselves afraid, that is when we can see that fear is nothing.
Here endeth today’s lesson.
Matt Furey
QnA on “I Can’t Believe It”
Holy Hurricanes.
The email I sent out a couple days ago, entitled “I Can’t Believe It,” an email that I fully expected to cause some major blowback, created quite the positive stir instead. Numerous high-level performance coaches wrote to express how meaningful the message was, and how they passed it on to their clients, who just so happen to be Olympians, professional athletes, CEO’s, etc.
Yes, I believed my message would fall on deaf ears – and guess what? The opposite happened.
Sri Vishwanath, author of numerous best-selling books, proclaimed my email “the article of the century.”
Is it?
I don’t know and I don’t really care. The compliment sure is nice, though, and is greatly appreciated.
Anyway, a few questions came in on this topic, and below is one I want to go over with you today:
Marc wrote: “So you mean, picturing and feeling as if a goal is already accomplished will work, even if you don’t believe it will work?”
Furey: That’s not what I was writing about, but you have raised an important point that takes me back to the summer of 1985. I was working a wrestling camp in Ashland, Oregon, and a guest speaker in the real estate profession, gave a talk about visualization and how he didn’t believe it would work when he first learned about it. So he decided to “test it” and find out. He begin to mentally picture achieving a specific short-term goal.
Make a note: He did NOT start off with high-hanging fruit. He began with a goal that stretched him… but NOT so much that it would frighten or scare him. This is important. And to his surprise, the goal he was picturing came into being. So he tested it again. Same thing happened. After a few more tests, he was now convinced of the power of visualization and believed in the process. Yet, the techniques he used worked in spite of his skepticism.
The above represents why I frequently tell my clients that you want to use a method that works even if you don’t believe in it. If you have an infection, you don’t want to take an antibiotic that only works because you believe it will work. You want a method, a way that is so powerful, it doesn’t matter if you believe in it, or in yourself, for it to work.
Years ago, when I lived in California, and my elbow was injured and swollen, one of my clients, Don, told me he would bring an herbal solution to help eliminate the pain. I scoffed at the idea. The next session Don brought the herbs. I thanked him but refused to take them for a few days, thinking some other method would work. All the methods I tried that I believed in, failed. In utter frustration, I applied the herbal solution to my elbow. I didn’t believe in the herbs – yet within minutes the pain was gone. I truly couldn’t believe what I experienced, yet it happened.
The above represents why I am writing to tell you that success is NOT due to your unlimited beliefs; likewise failure is not due to your limiting beliefs.
There are a number of factors that help create success, and the most powerful one, in many instances, is using the power of mental imagery, which incidentally, I BELIEVE was given to all of us by a Creator.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
Looking for coaching in the methods I am relaying here, then reach out to me at here.
“I Can’t Believe It”
Last weekend, as I watched the finish of the 2020 Women’s Olympic Marathon in Tokyo, Japan, I took out my camera to record the interview with Molly Seidel, who won the bronze medal, becoming only the third woman in U.S. history to medal in the event.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe it,” Molly said after the race. “Just getting here was already a dream come true. And to be able to come out today against a field like this and to be able to come away with a medal, a bronze, for the U.S., uh, I’m in shock. I’m in disbelief right now.”
I sent the video clip I shot to Jack, a client, with the following line: “See what I mean? Here’s even more proof you don’t need to believe you can do something in advance to make it happen. Picture the goal. Picture it daily. Picture it with enthusiasm. Picture it BIG. Then get to work. And after you walk through your goal, the reality is you still might not truly believe that you did it, even though you know you did. Achieving a goal can be a surreal experience.”
Jack replied: “So even at the Olympic level, athletes don’t fully believe in themselves.”
“Correct. At every level this is the truth you’re not being told. Athletes battle fear, worry, self-doubt and the doldrums that often accompany defeat.”
“So the idea of an athlete entering the ring without any fear whatsoever…”
“Is pure bunk,” I interjected. “30 minutes before I stepped out on the mat in the world championships, I was more than just a wee bit nervous. But then I calmed my emotions and cleared my mind. I gave myself a blank slate, so I could go out there and perform without unnecessary tension.”
“Did you believe it after you won?”
“I believed that one – but other victories still astound me. The thing they all have in common is picturing a result and then going after it without thinking too much about it. Picture and go.”
“What you’re telling me reminds me of the long jumper in the Olympics,” Jack mentioned. “I think it was the 1968 Olympics.”
“Yes, you’re talking about Bob Beamon. He leaped so far in his first attempt that he broke the Olympic record by 55 centimeters. And get this, he physically collapsed after the feat, not from exhaustion, but out of disbelief. He couldn’t believe he did what he did. So Beamon didn’t leap as far as he did because he believed he would. It’s the same as the little ole lady who lifts the car off her loved one. She doesn’t lift the car due to her belief, but due to her mental imagery and the adrenal surge the mental image created.”
“So I don’t need to spend all my time trying to override my existing limiting beliefs?”
“Correct. Picturing what you want is the key. And last time I checked, you don’t need to believe in order to picture.”
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
He Was Majoring in Minor Things
Jack was really good at majoring in minor things.
He was superb at focusing on various aspects of himself that were, for the most part, irrelevant to whether or not he would get tangible results he could point to and say, “See what I did?”
Here are some examples of what Jack was doing:
* Instead of learning to picture what he wanted and focusing on it – he learned to “think positive.”
* Instead of forming a clear image of who he wants to be – he focused on changing “limiting beliefs.”
* Instead of observing where he is in relation to his goals – he learned to stand before the mirror and say, “I like myself. I love myself and doggone it, people dig me.”
* Instead of using what I call “your natural success formula,” the one that you’re actually batting 1,000 with, he learned to write and speak affirmations that begin with “I AM.”
I AM THIS and I AM THAT.
These methods proved to be ineffective in accomplishing anything for Jack – other than temporarily making himself feel comfortable in his own skin.
Alrighty then, you feel comfortable being yourself, but what do you have to show for it? Nothing.
On the other hand, when Jack learned to focus the way I taught him to focus, he instantly felt good about himself, even though there was zero attention on the “self” whatsoever. Moreover, at the end of his day, he accomplished something that he could point to and say, “Look what I did.”
As I told Jack, “When it comes to most self-development, there’s an abundance of focus on the SELF and almost none on the
DEVELOPMENT.”
He now knows this to be true – and has the tangible results to prove it.
If you’re tired of all the positive thinking mantras, the reality-contradicting I AM statements, and all the boomerangs that come with working on your limiting beliefs, then you’ll love the products offered on the Psycho-Cybernetics website.
Moreover, you and I may even hit it off in grand style as I take you to the next level with my elite coaching. That’s the coaching where I take you from majoring in minor things to getting major things accomplished.
Simplify your success-generating process.
Eliminate all the non-essential fluffy feel good stuff and utilize the material that gets you results that GO – results that make you feel good, even though you’re not even focused on it.
Make sense?
Then…
Let’s Do It!
Matt Furey
The Enjoy Your Life Crowd
Last week I was in Nashville, speaking at an event as well as tasting the incredible food the area offers. I was working and having a good ole time.
On Friday evening I got together with a friend and client, Ken, who lives there. As Ken and I sat around talking shop while munching steaks and pounding calamari, he explained some of the cultural differences between Tennessee and Florida.
“If you hear someone honk at another car, in order to hurry them along, everyone who lives in Nashville immediately knows the person honking is a tourist,” he said. “Nashville people don’t honk at anyone. There’s no need to hurry. Enjoy your life.”
Those last three words, “enjoy your life,” were used by Ken about fifty times over the next five hours. And they got me thinking about what you choose to focus on.
When I was a collegiate wrestler, I didn’t focus on whether or not I was enjoying myself. I focused on putting in the work that would lead to a national championship.
If someone were to interrupt my training to ask, “Are you enjoying yourself? Are you enjoying your life?” I wouldn’t relate to the question at all.
Of course I was enjoying myself, even when the training was somewhat tortuous. I was doing what I set out to do.
Sometimes the reality of a choice is tough. Sometimes it’s easy to say yes or no; sometimes it’s hard. But enjoyment isn’t the end-all, be-all.
When I was training for the World Kung Fu championships, no one ever asked me if I was enjoying myself, but I did have someone who tried to interfere with my weight-cutting process.
I was sitting in a sauna in Beijing, getting a sweat going to drop the last few pounds before weigh-ins. Once the beads were dripping off my skin, I put on a vinyl suit as well as a pair of cotton sweats. Then I put on a winter cap, left the sauna and jumped on a treadmill.
“Are you okay?” a man asked as he saw the sweat pouring off me.
“Yes,” I replied, looking the other way to stifle the conversation.
“You are sweating too hard,” he continued. “You will be too tired when the competition starts.”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion,” I said.
“Enjoy yourself. Don’t work too hard,” he added.
“Could you please do me a favor?”
“Sure. What can I do to help?”
“Go talk to someone else. Leave me alone.”
I wasn’t in Beijing to enjoy myself. I was there to win a world championship. Winning the world title, as well as the other matches, was enjoyable. Cutting the weight? Not so much. Yet, it had to be done for me to compete and win.
If my highest value was “enjoyment,” then I wouldn’t have bothered cutting the weight. I also wouldn’t have won the title. That’s the way it goes.
Enjoyment is a natural byproduct of creating the results you want. You don’t need to be thinking about it or pondering it. You don’t need to be asking yourself if you’re enjoying what you’re doing. The real question is whether or not you’re getting what you want out of life.
If your objective is to get to a certain weight, you can enjoy all the food you want when you got out with friends. But when you step on the scale the next day, perhaps you don’t enjoy what you see staring back at you. Keep this in mind as you make your choices.
Yes, there are times when your sole objective may be enjoyment, such as a vacation. You’re not attempting to create anything or reach any goal when you’re taking time off from “the grind.” But when you have a goal in mind, there’s no rule that says you must enjoy every step along the way. Some steps are enjoyable and some steps suck. That’s the way life is organized.
Sometimes, even saying no to your favorite food or beverage is a wise choice.
If enjoyment alone is the standard of measurement, I don’t think you’re doing as well as the person who is willing to make sacrifices on the way to the goal. It’s not one or the other; it’s both.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
The Agony of Defeat
Last night I eavesdropped on the College World Series.
The baseball game was between Vanderbilt and North Carolina State. Per usual, the outcome ended up being a heartbreaking loss for one pitcher, and a glorious victory for another.
Vanderbilt pitcher, Jack Leiter, whose father, Al, pitched in the major leagues, carved up the other team… yet lost, 1-0.
One pitch, and a good pitch it was, got knocked out of the park by Terrell Tatum of North Carolina State.
Other than the homerun, Leiter was phenomenal.
One swing of the bat did him in.
His Vanderbilt team, the “defending” national champions, are now playing in the consolation brackets.
What to do if you are the pitcher who lost? Focus on the one pitch that sailed over the fence? Blame yourself for the team’s loss?
Or do you look for and find something positive to focus on?
It’s tough to focus on what you did correctly after a loss. It’s tough to look for the positives, the “what’s good about it?” But it is necessary if you want to recover and move on to bigger and much better opportunities.
Even though focusing on the positive is necessary, the same can be said about looking at what went wrong.
We make mistakes so we can learn from them. We make mistakes so we can grow and get better. And sometimes we don’t even make a mistake, and we end up with a result we didn’t want, desire or expect.
That’s life.
Losing in sports, especially in front of thousands of fans and/or a nationally televised audience, can traumatize the brain at a deep level. Some losses are easy to put behind you while others do long-term damage. The losses you naturally adjust to are no big deal; the ones you hold onto are the ones that become “blocks.”
Athletes who lose in big games sometimes feel that “everyone” is looking at them with contempt and disdain. In some cases, fans are ruthless and give that impression (Bill Buckner and the Red Sox fans are a prime example), but most of the time most people are focused on their own problems as soon as the game ends.
This was first told to me at a low point in my athletic career. A professor who was in the audience when I lost a hard-fought bout, took note of my sullen demeanor the next day. He called me to the side and said, “I know losing sucks. It hurts. But one of the things you need to realize is this: No one cares.”
Ouch! I’m not sure which stung more at that time. Losing, or being told that no one cares if I lose.
Here’s the most important takeaway: Your reaction to losing and your interpretations of comments from well-meaning and/or diabolical fans, can be a traumatic experience for the brain. Even so, there’s an incredibly effective way to tame and transform this trauma and use the energy from it to create the life you want.
Anyone can learn how to do this. It’s not just for athletes. And the process leads to feelings of euphoria.
Part of taming the trauma involves the self-image exercises in Theatre of the Mind and Zero Resistance Living.
The other part involves private or group coaching.
If you sense that you have “blocks” to moving ahead, then get started today. Turn the tide in your favor. Tame your trauma. Say goodbye to the agony of defeat.
Best,
Matt Furey
The Worst Question in Self-Development
The first time someone asked me the worst question in self-development was back in 1990.
My first thought was, “What a creepy thing to ask? What do you want to know that for?”
Over the years, I’ve heard more and more people asking this question and my opinion of it hasn’t changed.
What’s the question?
It is this: “And how did/does that make you feel?”
Various forms and guises of this question are now prevalent in everywhere, including in professional sports, during their post-game interviews.
Reporter: “How did you feel when you hit the homerun? How did you feel when you scored your first touchdown? How did you feel when you sunk the game winning shot?”
Everything is about feelings with almost no insights into the “inner game” or strategy of the athlete.
Good questions are almost completely absent from interviews today, much less useful coaching.
Instead of discovering what someone was thinking, which may include his or her feelings, reporters, teachers and coaches isolate the one thing they think matters most. And the truth is the one thing they think matters the most usually matters the least.
Feelings are a factor in properly positioning your mind for success, but when it comes to overcoming adversity, to rising above deep difficulties, to accomplishing a goal, the caveman mentality often works best.
Look at the images the caveman drew upon the wall for his fellow cavemen to see. Listen to him speak about what he drew.
See those buffalo? Those deer? Tomorrow we go hunt and bring home. You want? Raaaaaaaahhhhh.
The goal is established. Sights are now set. The only thing left is action.
At no time does the caveman ask, “And how does tomorrow’s hunt make you feel?”
When you visualize, you mentally picture your goal. You also imagine and pretend you can hear the sounds and feel the feelings of getting what you want. All three of these senses are important; so are the others that I didn’t mention. But feelings are not driving the bus. Images playing within the mind of the bus driver dictate where the rig goes.
Your self-image is most important. It is the blueprint for where you’re going in life. Your feelings are a factor, but they are far from being the most important one.
Never answer the question, “And how does that make you feel?”
Focus on your mental images and you’ll get along much better.
Matt Furey
Zig-Zag Your Way to Success
Tue, Jun 8 at 10:51 AM Success comes in a straight line, but only after you’ve zigged and zagged your way to the finish.
When lightning strikes, it appears to be a zig and a zag, but when you draw a line from top to bottom, you’ll be amazed when you see the straight line.
Moving from Point A to Point B is a whole lot easier when you realize that switchbacks and winding roads are part of the straight line to the top.
As you journey through life, you are heading toward a goal even when you think you are off target. The mistakes and setbacks you encounter along the way are essential corrective feedback that you need in order to win the prize. No one achieves anything without mistakes. Errors along the way are just as important as the shots you make. Without mistakes, there’s no way to truly succeed.
There’s a reason that errors, mistakes and setbacks come before the word “success” in the dictionary.
Being able to stand back and observe your mistakes without getting upset about them is the hallmark of a winner. Another prized quality is the ability to observe what you did correctly when you succeeded, and figure out how to duplicate it.
If you can remember the feeling you had the first time you sunk a free-throw or caught a ball that was thrown to you, you’re setting yourself up for more of the same. But if you sit and brood over the mistakes you’ve made, the missed free-throws and dropped passes, you are not thinking about coming up with a way to succeed.
When you see your mistakes, instead of dwelling on them exclusively, ask yourself what you want to accomplish. Picture a result you want to make happen. See yourself where you want to be, then engage in the actions that will take you where you want to go.
Notice that I did NOT advise you to completely avoid looking at your mistakes. Take a good look at them. Study them. Then use the corrective feedback of the mistakes you made as a launchpad to where you really want to go.
Remember, you can travel the road to success in a straight line, but there will be zigs and zags in that line.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
P.S. If you want coaching in the process I’ve just described, click here.
