Psycho-Cybernetics - See Yourself at Your Best
Matt Furey's Super Human Success Blog
“Do not look for or expect major improvements overnight. Sometimes you will have what appears to be a big leap forward, but most improvements come incrementally, one small step at a time. These small improvements, day after day, lead to major shifts and changes.”
Matt Furey
Dear Matt,
A question about motivation, which is something I struggle with. What do you do to get motivated and stay motivated?
Bump Enderow
Dear Bump,
Motivation is over-rated. There’s a big difference being FOCUSED and being motivated.
Give me someone who is quietly focused and gets the job done and I’ll take that person over someone who is rah-rah-rah but can’t finish nuthin.
Yesterday my daughter, Faith, asked me how she can increase her motivation to write and workout each day, especially when she feels tired after getting off work. My answer, “Forget about motivation and focus on being focused. Write when you’re tired. Workout when you’re tired – and you won’t be tired.”
I also showed Faith some of the notes I “journal” to begin each day. She was amazed at how often I started out with words such as “I feel tired,” or “I don’t feel like writing today.”
Feelings are tricksters.
Feelings don’t tell the whole story.
Feelings also flip, and quickly, when you start doing something that you’d rather resist or avoid.
Don’t want to go for a walk because you feel tired? Then start walking and within a few minutes you’ll want to keep going.
The same is true with everything – including writing.
Motivation strikes when you have momentum.
You get momentum when you give yourself a small action step instead of a gigantic one. Showing up is more than half the battle.
I hate manual labor. I’m not motivated to cut the grass, much less pull weeds. I can easily hire someone else to do this for me and probably should. Then again, this manual labor does my brain and body a lot of good. Within minutes of getting started, it’s hard for me to stop, and what’s most amazing is that while I’m focused on this labor, I’m enjoying what I thought I hated.
When you focus on getting started, a surge of momentum comes along which can lead to the feeling of being motivated – yet it happens without you focusing on motivation.
Focus on being focused and motivation will take care of itself.
Matt Furey
Yo Matt.
My son is playing ball up here in New York. And he can’t relax during clutch moments. What can he do to relax and win during these critical moments?
Sal Good
Yo Sal,
Gotta say this is the first time I’ve ever been addressed with a “Yo.” Normally, this alone would get you tossed, but I guess I’ve lost enough hair to let this one go.
Anyway, I reckon your son has never driven a car with a clutch, so he may not get the metaphor if you tell him to take his foot OFF the clutch – not to mention the brakes.
Being clutch is about seeing yourself hitting or sinking a game winner, yet doing so with a spirit of cool and calm. This reflex comes naturally for some, but not for others. Yet it can be trained – and the time to train it is NOT during the game itself.
Each day you practice the “calm mind-calm body” technique as spelled out in the Zero Resistance Living course. First you practice while sitting or lying. But for your son, he then needs to take it to the next level and practice while standing on the court or field.
He’s got to be able to take a deep breath – and while exhaling give his mind-body the command to relax. While doing so, the non-clutch tension will drain out of his body so he can move with natural-ease.
I taught this technique to a baseball player from Ohio who got the go ahead and walk-off hit to help his team win the state championship. The boy, Michael, was freaking out a week before the state championships, but once he trained himself to calm down, he crushed it.
This means it’s not about having the “clutch gene,” as much as it is activating it.
All of us have an inner winner, but if you’re “trying”, it won’t get activated.
The secret is “trying easier” – not harder – as hard work alone hardly ever works.
Matt Furey
Dear Matt,
I have a question about deadlines. Sometimes they help me succeed but at other times I feel that they weigh me down and lead to failure. What do you think about them? Should I use them?
Kat N. Cannery
Dear Kat,
All daily goals have a deadline. I prefer to call them lifelines because whenever you get your goal you are rewarded with more energy – and as Dr. Maltz would say, “more life.”
For goals that take a week or a month, timelines can also help, provided you stay focused on the small daily goals that lead to accomplishing them. If there’s ever a hiccup, your daily goal is probably too big. When you make it smaller you’ll gain the necessary momentum to achieve the bigger prize.
As for big, long-term goals, deadlines can create a conundrum and weigh you down, especially when the time frame is five, ten, or twenty years from now.
By and large, I stay away from the long-term as all we have to work with is NOW – the short-term. I also focus on how I practice each day, and by that I mean the mindset I bring to what I’m doing.
If I find myself “going through the motions,” I recognize this as inferior to practicing each day with enthusiasm and desire.
Daily goals light up your life and help you focus; long-term goals often weigh you down and lead to less concentration.
Just as an athlete must play one game at a time to win a championship, you win in life when you focus on winning the game you’re playing today, which leads you to the finals.
Matt Furey
Dear Matt,
My husband is super passive aggressive. When I want to talk to him he goes to the bathroom and locks the door. What can I do to get him to be more direct?
Tiffany
Dear Tiffany,
A couple days ago, my daughter, Faith, and I were driving back to Jackson Hole, Wyoming (now know as Jackson), after visiting the Grand Tetons and watching Old Faithful blow her top at Yellowstone National Park.
It was still light out when the 98-mile ride into town began, and at the halfway point I recall seeing the words “ANIMAL MIGRATION” on a yellow sign. While reading it I wondered, Why not show an image of the animals that are migrating so that people who can neither think in or read “American,” which includes some Americans, can comprehend the threat?
About 20 miles outside of town, when it was now plenty dark, two trucks pulled over to the side of the road with their lights still on.
What are they doing? I thought.
That’s when we saw a small herd of about 30 bison, hanging out in an outdoor lavatory of green grass with fresh air.
A second after I passed by, the bison migrated – and fast. They went from dawdling to aggressively sprinting across the road.
My daughter and I were refreshed, alarmed, and grateful that these bison were passively aggressive toward us instead of confrontationally aggressive.
Animals in the wild are an awesome sight to behold, as far as human beings lives are concerned, when they are “passive aggressive.” In fact, I prefer that all the grizzly bears, mountain lions, moose, elk and bison act this way whenever I am around.
The results are much better when we stay out of one another’s way.
There’s so much more we can focus on and get done, and I suppose the same goes for the animals, when we leave one another alone.
Nature loves to vacuum what comes out of us in a restroom.
Matt Furey
Fear is often viewed as our worst enemy; as nothing but “false evidence appearing real.”
But when we take time to look at all the evidence, fear is also a valuable friend.
When fear is irrational it can make you freeze, to give less than you’re capable of. When fear is rational it protects you from harm.
The bravest skydivers jump out of planes with parachutes on for rational reasons.
A trial attorney prepares a case before going to court for rational reasons.
Surgeons have their patients sign waivers before a procedure for rational reasons.
Champion athletes control fear when they practice physically for long hours and visualize victory prior to competition.
In each of these cases, rational fear helps you prepare for and overcome the worst possible outcome.
Eradicate irrational fears whenever and wherever you see them operating in your life. Minimize paralyzing, freezing fears on the screen of your mind; but embrace your rational fears as they are there to help you accomplish your goals.
Matt Furey
“So much of what is taught in self-development is centered around the erroneous notion that can be summarized as follows: “The untruth will set you free.
And the untruth will indeed set you free – straight into the lion’s den.”
Matt Furey
Almost 30 years ago, there was a book that hit the best-seller lists.
’twas Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, by Richard Carlson.
Earlier this morning, when I was keenly focused on some small stuff, I said to myself, “Don’t sweat or ignore the small stuff because that’s how you go from average to good – and from good to great.”
One of my clients, Raymond, a professional poker player, never appears to be sweating the small stuff, even when the stakes are high.
During our call today I asked, “How well would you do in poker if you ignored the small stuff?”
“That’s all poker is,” he answered. “If you ignore the small stuff in poker, you’re finished.”
And so it is with accomplishing any goal, regardless of how big or how small.
There is nuance and detail that separates an also-ran from a money player.
The divine is in the details.
When you focus on the small stuff, you ground yourself in the present moment where greatness can be accomplished.
When you don’t ignore the small stuff – you won’t have to sweat it. If you’re sweating the small stuff – you were probably ignoring it.
Don’t ignore the small stuff for it’s the key that unlocks the door between the good and the great.
Matt Furey
Dear Matt,
I’m wondering about something. When I set a small daily goal as you advise, I get more done than when I set a big goal which almost always results in me doing nothing. So my question is, can you set a goal that is too small?
Hai O. Silver
Dear Hai O.,
Funny you ask this question because I covered this a few weeks ago with my Platinum Goal Getting members. The answer is the opposite of what is commonly taught in self-development, where you’re constantly shoved, cattle-prodded, and jerked to make yourself uncomfortable, to 10X your goals, or some other maxim that ends up contributing less than the minimum to you getting your goals.
Just as there “ain’t no mountain high enough,” when you examine your results over time, you’ll also find that there ain’t no goal that is small enough. The key is knowing what gets you into motion, with zero resistance or avoidance. If you’re not taking action, chances are beyond excellent that the size of your goal is an impediment.
Yesterday I walked outside to pull “a few weeds” in the yard. This goal got me into action – and the funny thing is, after I pulled a few, which took about a minute, I wanted to keep going.
More than two hours later, I had pulled enough weeds to fill a few large plastic bags.
Now, the key question: What if I set a big goal yesterday, with my sights set on filling three or more bags large bags?
If you guessed that I wouldn’t have pulled a single weed, you would be correct.
My new book, The Zen Zone: Be the One Who Gets It Done – which will be available in September, goes into far greater detail on this topic.
Follow me on my new Instagram channel – @thezenzonebook – for more.
Matt Furey
Dear Matt,
I feel that I am wasting a lot of time in my life. There’s so much more I could accomplish if I would just stop procrastinating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m getting a lot done, but the wasted time is really getting on my nerves. Any suggestions?
Spee Dee Gonzaga
Dear Spee Dee,
You’ve brought up a conundrum that so many people never seem to shake. No matter how much they accomplish, they feel it’s not enough, not good enough, or they beat on themselves for the time they spent resting.
Years ago I remarked to a tai chi master in China, that those who play Mahjong are “wasting time.” He smiled and said, “We don’t have this way of thinking here. There’s no such thing as wasting time.”
I was perplexed. No such thing as wasting time? Are you kidding me?
Then I began to look at what used to be called “the great American pastime,” the sport of baseball. It may not be as great of a pastime as it used to be, but millions of people still fill stadiums each day in this country. And for what? To relax, unwind and enjoy a slow-paced game while eating hot dogs and junk food, drinking useless sodas and beer, while catching up on and tracking seemingly important events on their phones. And none of what is going on in the game, much less elsewhere, matters much when you consider the line in the Bible, “this too shall pass.”
Does anyone consider their favorite pastime to be a waste of time? I don’t – unless it’s something I don’t partake in.
Wasting time, in reality, is the great American pastime.
Focus on your goals and get them done – then realize the important role that pastimes and the so-called wasted time play in your life. Enjoy your pastimes as they too shall pass.
Matt Furey
Hello and welcome to Psycho-Cybernetics.com - the official site for the original (and expanded) teachings of Dr. Maxwell Maltz, author of the 35 million copy best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics. I’m Matt Furey, author of the best-selling Nightingale-Conant audio book, Maxwell Maltz’ Theatre of the Mind.
When you subscribe to our Psycho-Cybernetics emails, I will immediately send you an email containing a FREE PDF ($100 value) of my Theatre of the Mind Masters Newsletter called Defeating the Failure Mechanism, which also features a Dr. Maltz piece, When Positive Thinking Doesn't Work. This highly regarded newsletter will show you how to apply the suggestions contained within it into your own life… and make changes for the BETTER!
Best,
Matt Furey
President, Psycho-Cybernetics Foundation
